I turned 50 yesterday. I had, of course, known it was coming. The thought had first been a source of stress, denial, glum acceptance as there isn’t anything to be done about birthdays. They just “are”, like ’em or not.
Over the weeks, as the day approached, I had various plans, schemes, as I figured “50”, the Big Five Oh, is a Big Milestone and should be treated as such. Alas, my plans fell by the wayside. I realized I didn’t mind much.
I started viewing 50 not as a burden, or something to fear, fight, resist. Maybe I could view the Milestone as an opportunity. A call to try on a tad more “adulting”. Just a tad, you understand. Too much “adulting” can be hazardous to one’s health. I thought maybe I could just try to do a bit better with things. Be nicer, kinder,
I drafted the above back in December 2022 and didn’t complete it. Life has a way of distracting.
But I continue to consider 50 to be a gift. In my own personal calculations, I’m now old enough to decide what to “put up with” and how I want to be treated. And to set boundaries where needed to achieve and enforce those decisions.
Not long after the Big Five Oh, I had an experience in which I was the “designated dick”, to speak truth to someone who was not used to it and didn’t like it.
And that “inner dick” came home with me, giving me a sense of power to speak truth as needed.
It’s something I’ve lacked for far too long.
